Locked Privacy
by YourLadyX
Summary: On big mistake destroyed his whole life, because he protected friend. But he paid too hard for it . . . (Grammar is pretty bad, sorry)
1. Maybe in his Desk ?

Locked Private

_Mystery/Friendship_

The team thinks they know everything about him. But when they begin to search his past, what they find ? . . . . Surprisingly, absolutely nothing.

Unanswered questions, mysterious phone-calls, unexplained late comings . . .

They try to accept this. But one day, one moment changed their opinion.

9:05am in FBI

Everyone were sitting in the big FBI Room. Penelope finished her work early than others, so she was playing some new game on the internet.

Alex sits at her desk, browses few federal files and then writes some notes to another file.

"_You know guys, I truly hate paperwork." she said still looking to the papers_

"_You do ? Oh, C'mon. Who doesn't like the paper-tower at 6 am on his desk . . ."_Dave sighed sarcasticallywhile he throws the next file to the second 'hill'.

Morgan smiled and looked to the direction, where Spencer sat ago few minutes.

But now, he was walking toward the hall door with phone next to his head.

He was talking to someone. Derek couldn't hear words, but he was sure it's not in english. It sounds like french, maybe italian.

"_Does anyone know Pretty Boy is calling to ? Always when his phone rings, he goes so far, he can from us. Isn't it weird ?"_

"_Spence is always acting so weird. Always Morgan. Nothing new."_

Jj said, while she was walking toward them.

"_Who's weird ?" _Asked Penelope, coming to the Derek.

"_Nobody. Just Morgan thinks something's wrong with Spencer, because he has private._" Alex smiles at her, putts down last file. She took her coat and few another papers. "_It's friday, so let it and go with me to some drink."_

"_I'm totally in."_ said Jj, with smile on her face.

"_Great! Anyone else ?_" Blake asked, but she was looking to Hotch, while he was walking down the stair from the office.

"_Jack is with friends in camp , so I'm in." _He lightly smiled and went to the elevator with Alex.

Jj turned to them but she stops. "_Are you going ?__"_She looks to the other members.

Morgan: _"Sorry, I can't."_

Penelope: "_Not today, I'm sorry."_

Rossi: "_Still too much papers, sorry."_

"_Maybe another night. Bye."_ she sighed and walks to the door.

Suddenly, Spencer came to the room.

"_Hey Spence, we're going to club, are you in ?"_

"_I have to do something important."_ he said authoritative. A lot more than always. He sounds like a general who's talking to his strangers.

In that moment she recognized how he grew.

"_. . . . but have fun." _He smiled gently , when he saw a confusion in her eyes.

She smiled too, and closed the door behind her.

Reid fastly walked to his desk.

Dave, Derek and Penelope were sitting at the desks and looking to papers quietly.

He looked at them. Made sure they are not looking. He took something from his desk. Gave it to his bag. They couldn't see what it was. Suddenly he puts off his shirt and tie. He put t-shirt and black jacket on. Again, he did something on his desk. But still covering it perfectly.

"_See you later._" he said and walked (almost ran) to the elevator.

"_He looked professional, like J. Bond ." _Garcia tought.

The doors closed and in the room was silence again.

Now everybody was thinking about Reid. His secret that he hides.

They looked to the door, stood up from the table.

"_What you think is inside his table ?"_ asked Rossi, looking at Spencer's desk

"_Why we just don't open it, and look ?" _said Penelope and give them look, which says _'Why not ?_'

"_Penelope Garcia, you really, really need to spank . . .. ! _" said Morgan, and smirked at her with all his love in his eyes, " . . . I_ don't know you like this Baby Girl!"_

"_Oh, my sweet Man, you have to come more close if you . . . ."_

Rossi stopped her in the middle of sentence: "_All right, I see. But now focus! _

He came near to the desk, opened it . . . Oh no. He didn't open. He couldn't.

"_He locked it !"_ he sighed angry , looked to his friends faces. _"I didn't believe you before Morgan, but . . . who locked his own table ?"_

_They looked at each other with fear in the eyes._

"_Are you still against to break his privacy ?" _Garcia asked her friends with strong voice, looking right to their eyes.

Dave looked at Derek, their looks met. That was a moment when they understood they have to do it. Have to search Spencer Reid's past.


	2. Talking - Talking

"_So . . ."_ Garcia sighed, while she was sitting on her chair, _". . . Spencer, what you hide."_ She grab her keyboard and began to write.

"_Rossi, Morgan, it'll be long night. You can go, I'll call if I found something."_

"_All right Penelope. But be careful, don't tell it to team. We are maybe wrong."_

Dave smiled gently and closed the door.

Derek came closer, kissed her forehead: _"Baby Girl, I know you're waiting for some horrible, big secret about him, but it's Reid. Remember. You know him, we know him. Probably he's just tired, right ?"_

"_I hope so." _She sighed, and looking at leaving Morgan. Then she continued to write.

Later

10:46 pm - 4th cup of coffee and still nothing helpful. But suddenly she recognized something. Something in his childhood records.

From his 5 years old there aren't any notes. First note appears even in his 18.

"_Is this normal ?" she said for herself_

She knew it's not what she was looking for, but isn't it weird ?

_No Notes_

_No Records_

_No photos or news_

Every child born in America has to be in national server. Penelope checked it probably 8 times per last 15 minutes.

_. . . . _

She wanted to call Jennifer about news about Reid, then she remembered Rossi's words – She can't.

She looked at phone. It was 23 minutes after midnight. So she decided to go home and let it. It looked like best idea.

She turned the computer off and closed the door of her dark office . . . .

Next Day:

6:00 in the morning

Jj was sitting at her desk, while she saw Garcia came to the room.

"_Hey, what you're doing here ? You never come too early!"_

She stand up and began to walk to her with confused smile.

"_I just have to do some work. Do you know if Morgan or Rossi is near here?"_

"_Oh, uh no. They are not. But Spence was here maybe 5 minutes ago. He said he needs few papers. Then we had coffee together. He left after all."_

"_Was he okay ?" _asked Garcia with curious voice

"Yes, sure. Why you're asking . . . " Penelope opened her mouth to talk, but Jj stopped her.

" _. . . . oh wait! Tell me you don't followed him or something like that !"_

She said (almost yelled) at her, like to naughty kid who destroyed a window right now.

"_No, no ! Wh. . . ah uhm, never. I . . . ."_ She couldn't find the words. So it looks like 'Yes'.

"_Penelope, he's our friend! You can't just break his private life. That's not fair from you!"_

"_Yes, It wasn't right, I know. But Morgan and . . . " _She stopped cause she uncovered her accomplices already.

"_Morgan and who else ?!" _She asks with mother's tone.

"_. . . . and Rossi. I'm sorry." _

"_Everything cause you guys thought, __**he's acting weird**__._" She sighed.

Jj made a deal with Penelope, that she let Spence. And then, they hand in hand left the room. But in the door they met Aaron.

"_Morning." he said tired._

"_Morning! Long night ?"_

"_Yeah, Jack had a fever all night." Hotch sighed and sipped from his coffee, while he was walking to his office._

"_Today we got a case, so we'll wait for the others and we'll start then, right ?"_

They nodded, and he came in to the room.

Later - 7:53 am

Everybody's sitting next to the round table, but Reid isn't there yet.

"Did you called him ?" Alex asked Derek.

"Yes, but there was a voice-mail." he sighed.

"We can't wait anymore." Hotch said and nodded to Penelope.

She understood and began to explain the case.

"_So, Alicia Marson – 41 years old. 14 victim we know about. She was abducted 4 days ago from her flat in the New York. They didn't use the key or kick the door off. Apartment was clean when cops came. NY police find her body in the National Museum, on the roof."_

Jj continued:

"_One perfect shot to the head. She died right after it. Pathology didn't found any other injuries."_

"_It was fast and merciful death. The UnSub don't want his victim suffered. So what he want from them ?"_ said Alex

"_Maybe informations."_ said Rossi

Alex : _"I don't think so. The victims were the judges, politicians . . . Really don't believe, everyone agreed with giving answers." _

"_What about the gun Penelope ? "_ asked Hotch

"Yes, the gun. This is it." She clicked to the monitor, and showed a image of very specific type of gun. Long gun-barell, big stack.

"Sniper or hunting rifle ?" said Morgan still looking at the image.

"I'd never see something like this."

"I was in arm many years, but me too." Rossi agreed with Aaron.

"Did you found it in database, Baby Girl ?"

"Not in the Federal Files or Internet. You can't found this gun in America."

"So where it is from ?"

"From United Kingdom." voice came from the door.

Everybody turned.

"_. . . I'm late."_ said Reid while he was walking to his chair. "_It's AW50, military sniper rifle from 1990's. It is intended to light vehicles, field fortifications and to engage __a variety of targets including radar installations."_

He was wearing black trousers, light shirt (Surprisingly without tie) bit unbuttoned. He had shorter hair. In his hand was jacket. Same color as a trousers. He looked tired, but still ready to work.

"_Hi Pretty Boy. Long Night ?"_

"_Technically, yes. And I forget time, sorry."_

"_What else you can see Reid ?"_ Hotch asked him with 'Boss' voice.

"_One shot, very social location, long time with UnSub without torture. The UnSub didn't want something from the victim. He waited to something . Did they want ransom ?"_

"_No, not a contact with family or friends. Her neighbor called police. Without him we wouldn't know anything about her."_

Spencer looked at the file, images of other victims. In his eyes they could see how his minds ran from one side brain to another. It was one of the moments when they

just had to shut up and wait.

"_What's wrong Spence ?"_ asked Jj and raised her eyes at him.

" _I think UnSub has a partner. Someone from outside who's waiting for a right moment. Something had to happen in these 4 days."_

"_I'm still searching the informations, but it makes sense." Garcia agreed with little smile_

"_Right. We're going to the New York. Wheels up in thirty . . . " he said and stood up from the table and wait when the others left the room. "Hey Reid, wait. . . _

_To my office, now. We have to talk."_


	3. Death on the Roof

**CHAPTER 3**

When both came to the office, Aaron closed the door.

"_Reid, I'm your friend more than 8 years, but mainly, I'm your boss !" _He never had so hard voice. Full of anger and precedence.

"_It means you have to tell me everything what can influence this team, and this job, so . . . " he hardly sighed._

" _. . . so is here anything what I have to know ?" _he asked, but he didn't want to know the answer. He just wanted to trust him.

Reid sat seriously, licked his lips and without any doubt said.

"_I would never do something, what could hurt or endanger the team or the unit. My work is my proof. And I didn't do anything what makes my job worse. I don't know if the answer, which I gave you is correct to you, but that's the true."_

"_Reid, you know I can fire you if I won't satisfied with your results in this unit ?"_ He already said calmly.

"_Yes, Sir."_ he answered with all respect.

"_Look Reid. . . I didn't want, it sounds like an indictment."_

"_I know. And I understand."_

"_Team is worry, especially Morgan. I don't want any problems here."_

"_I'll talk to them . . . . If is it all, can I go? "_

"_Yes, sure. I'll go with you."_

They stood up from the table and went toward others to the plane.

"The rifle, which killed victim . . . How you know so much about it ?"

Hotch asked him on the way to the elevator.

Spencer was thinking if he can tell him, he opened the mouth to answer, when his phone rang.

"_Uhm . . . Sorry. I have to be somewhere. Go without me, I'll come to the airport per half hour. Good ?" _He said with little hurry voice..

"_If it's emergency, go." _

"_Thank you."_ He sighed, turned out. And watched the team left from a building.

He knew, they'll have many questions about it. But now, he (how he said) _has to be somewhere._

Young agent picked up his phone, and without any word began to listen the voice on the other line.

* * *

The team sat in the plane, when they recognized somebody is absent.

"_Hey, where's Spence. Didn't he go with you ?"_ asked Jj, and everybody raised eyes to him.

"_He has to do something, before we arrive."_ he answer, looking to the case files.

"_Did he say what ?" _

"_No, but we had a conversation about it. So I don't worry."_

Morgan began too. _"But, what if . . ." _He didn't finish it, cause in that moment Reid walked in to the jet.

He nodded them and sat in front of Rossi.

"So, we can start." Aaron said, and the case began . . .

* * *

The team came to the New York Police Station. Few cops invited them to the crime scene. Alex and Reid went there, the others arrived to the victims house.

Car with agents came to the museum. There was police tape all around.

They went to the roof toward the another Federals.

Few people were there, walked around dead body of beautiful woman. She was lying in the middle of blood. Large pool of red, dark fluid on the concrete floor of the roof, that was softly glossy in the shine of the sun.

Blake came to the victim, and she began to search it.

"_Without any other hurts. Not a fingerprints too."_ Alex looked at Reid.

"_Spencer, are you all right ? You look miles away."_

His face was full of confusion. Just like when he thinks about something important.

When she waited that he said anything, he just closed his eyes at the second and started to breathe deeply.

"I . . . I'm fine. I just have to go. Really!" He sighed, like he saw a ghost now. His breathe started to be deeply, and still looking at the woman's body left the roof

Alex watched after him, when the door closed she quickly took her phone and dialed the first number. On the second side woman's voice said 'Hello'.

Blake sighed and spoke:

"_You was right Penelope, something's wrong with him . . . ."_


	4. Thank You

**CHAPTER 4**

Spencer Reid just came out of the huge building of Museum.

He was breathing heavily, and his hands were shaky a bit. He opened his pocket on the jacket and took the phone.

He tried to calm himself. Then he dialed the number, and with serious voice began to speak.

"_Hey. It's me, We found next missed body. She was a judge of the District Court in the New York. Do you know something about it ?"_

The man's voice on the other side, answer. "_In the New York ? I'll check it. What was her name?"_

"_Alicia Marson."_

"_Oh sure. I remember. But it wasn't my work, she was assigned to Mark. Maybe week ago. That's all I know. But Mark is in Madrid now."_

"_Thanks. I just want to make sure, that it was someone from us."_

"_Yeah, I understand . . . . By the way, weren't there, I mean on the body, any fingerprints ?"_

"_No, clear like always."_

"_. . . like always. Thanks God."_ he sighed

"_Yeah. Goodbye."_

"_Goodbye, and good luck."_

Reid hided his phone exactly when Alex came to him.

"_Spencer, why you left ? Are you okay, cause it looked like you knew the victim."_

"_Oh no, I just needed some air. I'm little tired."_

"_Fine. Cause if something's wrong we are all here for you, you know right?"_

"_Sure, I know. Thanks you care."_ he smiled gently, and opened the door of the SUV. And both arrived from the crime scene.

When they came to the station, it was almost 9pm.

Rossi, Jj and Garcia were sitting in the large , but empty room of police station.

Dave with Jennifer were talking about the case, but Garcia just watched at her shoes without any word.

"_Why are you so quiet, Penelope ?" _asked Jj carefully.

"_I just . . . Alex called me from the Museum. Reid acted weird. Again."_

"_It doesn't mean anything, you heard him at morning. He had a long night. Reid just needs some sleep."_ said Rossi and closed the file.

"_. . . maybe, but I really want to know something – ANYTHING!"_

She said nervously and stood up.

"_Come on Garcia, you're paranoid."_

"_No I'm not Jj. Morgan thinks it too." _

"_Calm Down. I think you need to sleep too. We'll wait for the others, and then we'll go, okay?" _

"_Yeah, you're probably right."_ she sighed and sat back.

The elevator's doors opened, and 2 older agents came out of it.

Morgan and Hotch came to the co-workers and with tired sighs sat next to them.

"_Where are Blake and Reid ?"_ asked Morgan, when the door opened again.

"_Right here."_ said Alex loudly. "_Reid went to the coffee machine."_

Suddenly Spencer came to the room.

"_Hi, are you okay?"_ he asked, when he saw his friends almost lying on the table.

"_Oh, yeah. I . . . We need some sleep."_

"_Can I talk to you,guys. It is important."_ everybody raised his head, when he heard him with so serious voice.

"_Sure."_ they tried to wake up a bit, and watched him.

"_So, the first thing is – Penelope, I know you are worry, but I don't want you search my file anymore."_ He said with 'boss' voice.

"_Wait, how you know about it ? I didn't tell it to anybody !?" _she said little angrily

"_It is not important how I know it. Important is . . . you don't trust me. And it hurts me you would to it , and don't ask me first." _he said loudly with pain in his voice.

There was a silence at the minute.

"_I'm sorry, and I've never do it again. I promise. Sorry." she sighed and smiled guilty._

"_The second thing - Somebody tried to open my desk, I saw scoring. I want to know who ?!"_ he said again with authoritative voice.

"_That was me."_ said Rossi and looked down

"_Why?" _

"_We were worry. Really worry . . . "_

"_And that's the third thing . . . . . I have my privacy._

_It doesn't mean I don't like you. It means, that you are the main part of my life, but not the only one. How I said, It hurts me when you think I betray you cause of it. Just don't worry about me all the time. I'm fine, and If I would tell you something I will. It is okay now?"_

They stood up, came closer to him and without any words hugged him.

"_Thank you."_ said Jj, while the single tear ran down her cheek.

Then they went to the hotel.

Everybody came to own room, and closed the door.

Around 3am Jj woke up. Some stupid car-alarm began to rang near the building.

It was too late to call Henry or Will. So she wore housecoat and opened the door, to the corner. It was silence all around there. She didn't want to wake someone up, but she remembered that Spence is almost always awake. She walked nearly to his room, but she didn't hear any sound from the other side of the door.

She knocked once. Nothing

Twice . . . . Still quiet.

"_Spence ? Are you there ?" _she asked quietly

No Response.

Jj tried to open the door. It wasn't locked.

She turned the light on, and she could see the empty room.

His bed was modified and his bags disappeared.

On the table was his revolver and federal badge.

She was 100% sure, nobody slept here or be here more than 5 minutes.

She froze.

"_GUYS!"_ she yelled, still standing on the same place, in front of the desk.

She could hear the sound of opening doors and hard steps behind her.

"_What's wrong ?! Are you okay ?"_ They asked with fear in their eyes.

"_I . . . I just . . . Spence."_ she said quietly with scared voice.

"_Reid ? What happened to him ?"_ asked Morgan quickly

"_Wait, why he's not here? Isn't it his room?"_

"_. . . yes."_ Jj sighed

"_What!? I don't understand." _said Derek loudly and confused

"_I just came. And he wasn't here, only his things . . . ."_ she pointed to the table, and sat on the bed quietly.

They cam to the wooden desk.

"_What ?"_ said Rossi startly

"_. . .maybe he'll come back."_ Penelope sighed with tears in her eyes

"_He didn't ! Understand ! He didn't !"_ yelled Morgan angrily.

"_Morgan! Not now. . . . "_ rebuked him Hotch

"_Wait , what is this ?" _asked Blake and took the piece of paper, that was under the gun.

"_Is it the letter from him?"_ said Aaron nervously

Alex was quiet. She was just looking at paper, and tears began to falling down

from her eyes.

"_Alex! What is it?!"_ asked Jj sadly

"_He really left . . . forever."_ Blake _sighed._

"_What he wrote !?"_

"_He wrote only:_

. . . . _'_**Thank you**_'."_


	5. Come Back

**CHAPTER 5**

**2 HOURS LATER**

Spencer Reid was walking through the busy street of the Quantico. When he came to the building he was looking for.

Old, known FBI Central Building.

But he didn't come in, usually. He turned towards the parking lot and looked around if anybody's following him. When he made sure, he quickly began to walk to the old door, in the end of the wall next to him.

The door didn't have any lock. But It wasn't matter.

Spencer pulled out a black card from his pocket. Normal black card. Without any sighs, words or numbers.

He pressed a little button next the door. Few seconds later he raised his card and gave it closer to the door. A red light went from the button, the door creaked and suddenly opened.

He came in, closed the door and began to walk through the darkness.

* * *

**THE TEAM – SAME TIME**

Team moved back to the police station.

"_Okay, so what we know ?"_ asked Derek loudly

"_. . . he locked his things." _said Jj, still little shaky

"_. . . he doesn't trust us."_ answered Dave

"_. . . he disappeared in the middle of the night."_ began Alex, looking at the floor.

"_. . . and he wrote: 'Thank You'. Not a 'Goodbye' or 'Sorry'. So he is sure, he won't come back. With his letter he tried to say, what he said last night."_

_Jj said: "He hide his privacy . . . People aren't leaving cause of normal secrets. It has to be something bigger."_

"_But what is it ? What makes him let everything?" asked Rossi confused_

"_Why _everything_ ? Yesterday he said, that we are only _one_ part of his life. Maybe he just had to protect us . . . like Emily did." sighed Garcia _

Suddenly Hotch came to the room.

"_So I talked to local cops. I told them about our situation, and they agreed that we can come back to the Quantico. We helped them, now it is only their case." _

"_And Strauss ?" asked Jj_

"_I'll call her from plane, but I don't think she would have a problem with it."_

_They nodded. _

_All the way to the hotel, there was a silence. _

_Not because they didn't think about Reid or his life. But cause they were worry. Worry about their 'boy'. _

_He's not a weak or small kid. He knows how to live in that scary, bloody world. But that feel, that they maybe never get a chance to say 'We love you' to his eyes and hug him was killing them. _

_In a plane it was same. Not a sound or voice. _

_Morgan didn't listen music, just watching a clouds outside, how they're flying around softly._

_Blake didn't read. She made a coffee but she just drop it on the table in front of her and looking at the smoke, which rises higher and higher . . . _

_Jj and Hotch were calling their kids, that they have to stay longer at work._

_Penelope was sitting on the couch, where Spence always lays. Her eyes were closed, but she didn't sleep, just thinking. _

_Rossi sat in front of her and in his hand grabs Spencer's badge. He sighed and closed his eyes too._

_**MEANWHILE – FBI**_

Young man came through the glass doors to the large room. It was too early, so it was empty.

Suddenly older woman opened her office.

"Agent Reid, to my office please." said Strauss calmly

Spencer walked to the room and closed the door.

"Agent Hotchner called, they are on the way. So quickly explain it to me."

"They knew too much, I can't let them suffer for me."

"I see. But we have to change our deal cause of it."

"Yes ma'am. I just didn't think it'll be so fast."

"General Harris want you back and you know I can't ignore it. Your last deal with military was, that every day you have to be 4 hours in the battlefield. Now you had to leave, and your job in the Army begins to be permanently."

"I knew it when I was leaving and I have to pay my debt to military. But I can't tell it to team. I can't met them again."

"I will. Don't worry about it. But if I do it, you can't contact them anymore. I'm sorry but that is the deal."

"Yes." he smiled gently shakes her hand.

"_And Spencer . . . . "_ she said _". . . be careful there. Iraq is not the Quantico."_

"_Thank you."_ he nodded and left the room.

She sat down to her chair , sighed and took her phone from the table.

"_Sir, this is the Unit Chief of FBI in Quantico Erin Strauss. I call you about Lieutenant Colonel Spencer Reid. We made a deal . . . .' _she sighed again.

_'. . . . he's back."_

* * *

The team came to the unit few minutes after. Suddenly their eyes fall to Reid's table.

It was unlocked, empty . . .

Strauss slowly came to them and quietly said: "I guess I have to explain something . . . ."


	6. Human Life

**CHAPTER 6**

"What is it ?" Jj asked quickly

"Agent Jereau, sit down please."

"I want to know it! What you know about Spence?!"

"Agent! Calm down and sit!" she said little loudly but still with calm voice

Young woman was thinking, but in the end she decided to agree.

"So, how I said, I have to tell you something. Agent Reid left, but it is more difficult . . ."

Every member was watching her with incredible interest. Like she would disappeared if they stop to listen.

". . . when we were solving the case about Agent Prentiss, everybody was emotionally involved. Maybe rude. Especially in the court. And _our young agent_ overdid it." she sighed and waited for their reaction.

"Wait, how much ?" asked Morgan angrily

"Probably a lot. The main chairman Mr. Cramer, wanted to fire him."

"Ou, so it has to be very loudly." said Alex sadly

"But what does this have with Spencer's leave ? It was a long time ago." asked Rossi

"Sir Cramer is simultaneously a former member of the CIA.

.Agent Reid has a federal training but not a national army service. So we made a deal."

Aaron raised his head with confused look.

"With CIA, right ?"

"First it was the CIA. I can't talk about it very much, cause of the national promise. But

it was about the secret missions. Hard frauds between the judges."

Suddenly there was a silence. Whole room occurred the quiet.

"Last few members of the ministry were included to our CIA agents. And Agent Reid was one of them."

Penelope stood up with tears in her eyes.

"Included ? You mean to kill ? Cause our Spencer would never do something so cruel!"

Strauss stood too.

"Penelope, it's not cruel. It is the job. His job."

"So it is true ? He killed them. That's the reason why was acting so remarkably, right ?"

Morgan said angrily

Strauss came closer to them, and with angry voice began.

"Agents, I'm very disappointed now. You know him almost 9 years, he's is your friend. He saved many lives and did a lot for this unit. And you're acting, like he's a killer. He was one of the best agents we ever had and the CIA too. . . "

She didn't continue cause Jj interrupted her.

"He WAS the agent ? You want to say he's already not ?"

"Let me continue. I'll explain . . . "

The others nodded.

". . . when Spencer finished his job in the CIA, he was completely trained. Trained for everything he wanted to do. He has a snipers skills, military training and special language training. The US Army wanted him to the military cause of it, and because his sin to the ministry he couldn't pass out."

"Sorry, but it means he is soldier ?"

"Oh no, not a soldier."

They breathed out hopefully. But Morgan still didn't understand.

"He's not the agent. He's NOT soldier. So what the hell he is ?!"

"Cause of his skills he promotes few weeks ago. So Spencer Reid is officially a Lieutenant

Colonel."

* * *

They didn't know what to think.

_Be happy, cause their friend is healthy ?_

_Be sad, cause he's risking his life everyday?_

_Be angry, cause he lied them almost 2 years ?_

* * *

Jj stood up, with the most fearful face. She was breathing hard and tears were slowly running down her face.

Morgan and Hotch were still looking to the floor and trying to cover their regret.

Alex couldn't move. She was scared, surprise how that 12 year old boy changed. Her hands were shaking, and Garcia with the same feels grabbed her hand and smiled a little.

Rossi nodded to Strauss. It meant something like a 'Understood'. She nodded back and slowly left the quiet room.

Then sat back near the Hotch.

". . . I just can't imagine how hard it has to be for him. He had 3 jobs. Probably the most difficult jobs in the world. He could die everyday, but he never act angry or tired."

Aaron raised head, smiled gently.

"He showed us his brave face, only because he didn't want, we were worry."

"Isn't it irony, that the young boy who came here ago 9 years, who didn't know to shot, to fight, to talk to people, became to the _national hero." _Jj smiled

Morgan breathed deeply.

". . . and we were angry at him. He could tell true, and everything could be easy for him, but he decided to be loyal to the deal." he said guilty ". . . we really messed it up."

"We didn't know it, Morgan." said Hotch with hope in voice

"Yeah, but we didn't trust him. He had a terrible friends, terrible team. We have to help him and apologize."

"Yes, I think so." Penelope sighed

"I go to the Strauss's, she helps us with it."

They stood up and walked to her office. Aaron knocked twice, and waited.

She opened and invited them in.

"Before you say something, I just want, you to know that I tried everything to help him. And If I can do everything for you, I will."

Aaron sighed.

"We want to talk to him. Face to face."

Everybody was looking at her, waiting for the answer.

"I promised him I won't tell you the place where he is. He said it is to dangerous, and I agree."

"So let him come here. Please." said Penelope, with weak shaky voice "Only few hours. We want to say goodbye." when she said '_goodbye' _she start to cry.

Jj hugged her and almost cried too.

"I can make few calls. General is my old friend." she smiled a bit. Then she took her phone. And dialed the number.

She introduced herself and asked him about it. They couldn't hear the another voice, but when he finished Strauss froze.

She hung up the phone without any sound.

She looked shocked, confused , fearful. In that moment they didn't know what to think. Would she start to cry ? Scream ?

"What they said ?" asked Morgan quietly

Few seconds after she _woke up _from the shock, with calm mind but shaky voice.

"I. . .They said that. . ."

Alex came little closer.

"What ? He didn't agree ?"

"I don't know how to say it."

They never saw her so scared and sad. Strauss was always authoritative, without any expressions of the emotions.

She had to sit, breathe deeply. And started.

"He . . . Spencer was on the mission with other 18 members to the territory of the enemy.

He, as a lieutenant colonel, was the leader of the team.

They came there at the 10:02am . ." she sighed

". . . at the 10:12, began the gunfire . . . "

Morgan grabbed Penelope's arm strongly, while she was crying on the Rossi's shoulder. Tears were running down their cheeks, including Aaron.

". . . few minutes later, 3 enemy planes dropped the bombs on the whole country."

She tried to continue, but tears on her face were falling down from her eyes and stopped her.

_**Then she said 2 last words. **_After them Penelope start to scream, her make-up was smudged cause of thousands of tears on her face.

Jj threw to Hotch. He hugged her back and quietly whispered. "I know, I know. . . "

While she was crying.

Rossi with Alex sat down to the couch without any word. Only Dave spoke something.

It was too quietly, but it sounded like a prying.

Morgan fell on his knees, his tears were falling on the floor like a rain drops on the silence street.

* * *

_Only few words can destroy human life. And 2 of them, which really did, were:_

"**Nobody survived."**


	7. Immortal

**Hi! I'm back, sorry for the waiting but I have a few concerts ****_/guitar /_**** so I didn't have much time. Anyway I changed my old idea about this story, so it will be little different and I hope you will like it in the next chapters.**

**~ Before you begin to read ~**

When I was writing it I was listening this beatiful song: **_Evanescence - My Immortal_**

CHAPTER 7

**Round table**

**Few hours later.**

Not a single tear on their cheeks. Only absent faces, looking down to the bleak floor.

Whole 2 hours nobody said a word. They couldn't.

Only sat there, on the hard, uncomfortable chairs and think about what just happened.

* * *

Suddenly Jj gently smiled. It wasn't loudly, but everyone turned to her. When she saw their looks. She smiled more.

"Do you remember when he hacked you MP3 player ?" she looked at Derek, and they smiled too.

It was probably the most sad and happy smile in one.

"And when Henry dressed up as his 'favorite profiler'." said Alex and they smiled again

They raised their heads, and let the memories come.

Penelope looked toward Jj and smirked.

"When he was on the date with you."

Rossi and Alex looked at the others waited for the explain. With the most confused faces.

Jennifer nodded. And smile gently.

"Yes, you know ago 7 years I joined the team. And Spence was really nice. We were on the Redskins game. They're my favorite . . . "

She stopped at the second. And tear fell from her painful eyes.

". . . then we were walking and talking all the night. Not a rambling or a awkward moment. In a work he is different. But still it was my best first date."

"You have more then 1 date with him ?" asked Derek and smirked

"Oh. . . yeah, . . . Define date ?"

"Jj !?"

"Uhm, I think 27." she laugh a bit with little pride

They wanted to say something, but they just smiled at each other.

"He had something inside of him. Something what made you smile . . . ." sighed Penelope

Rossi breathed deeply and looked out from the window.

"I think I'll never deal with it, that we talk about him in past tense."

"But we have to. Eventually."

"Don't talk like this Aaron! We still have a hope." said Jj, loudly than often with fight in her voice

"Hope? Jennifer. I was in the battlefield. It's hard to survive there. But survive the bomb is NOT POSSIBLE. I'm sorry, but . . . but that is a true. You can't think about this, cause it'll destroy you. Us,too."

He looked at the others, waiting for their reaction.

"In one moment, Spence is here and his only problem is the migraine. Then he defends his family and some stupid ministry destroy his life forever . . . " Jj sighed

Rossi looked at Aaron.

"It wasn't fair. . . . " he looked down, like every word hurts more and more

". . . Spencer is . . . was smart, nice, young man. He SHOULD have a big career and not dies somewhere in nowhere alone. He did it cause of us. Cause he didn't want to give us any more problems.

Every time when WE went home he was there."

The other joined the conversation.

"When his phone rang, and we thought he hides something terrible."

"When we tried to break his desk."

". . . hacked his computer."

". . . argue with him."

"And he never tell us the true. He suffered quietly all the time."

Penelope stood up with hope in her eyes. She was almost shining.

"Wait, how we know he's gone ? Aren't in the field the shelters or something like that. For the cases like this ?"

"Yes but there was shooting too."

"Soldiers had to be ready for something like this. They are trained, aren't they ?" she asked with high tone in voice.

"Penelope please, I don't have a power to this." sighed Alex silently

"I can check thermal sensors. If you agree sir ?" she looked at the Hotch with puppy eyes, and the others joined her.

"I. . . I think we don't have anything to lose. You have my full agreement."

"But they said Spence was on the hidden mission. We don't know where it happened."

"We can hack the satellite. So big explosion has to be seen on the monitor."

"Sit down please. We have to fix some things." said Aaron authoritative and the others agreed without any problems.

"Look, I know It is hard to deal with . . . with death of friend. And you have to take the possibility that he died there. That's life. And hope sometimes can brings depression, if it's too long." he breathed deeply. "So my question is, 'Can you handle this ?'. Cause if we are wrong it will hurt more."

They looked down, then to the each others eyes.

". . . but I'm in." said Aaron empathic

Jj stood to him. "I'm in."

Penelope stood up too. Grabs Jj's hand. "I'm in."

Morgan and Alex stood almost simultaneously.

"I'm in"

"And me too."

When they thought everything's going better, they looked at the last chair. Rossi didn't stand up. He was just sitting there, and looking to the floor.

"Dave, something's wrong ?" asked Alex suspiciously

"You really think he's somewhere there, aren't you ? But I don't. I wasn't in military too long, but I learned one thing. The war is cruel. People are dying every day in that fuckin field and Reid was one of them. I try to deal with this fact. You should too. I'm not going to grieve again. You are alone in this."

Rossi said and left the room.

Few seconds later they were still silent. He never acts like this.

"Please tell me you're still with me ?" asked Penelope with sadly voice

They looked at each other and simultaneously got closed to her and hugged her. It was very long hug and full of love.

Few minutes later Morgan whispered gently.

"Always believe in him. In our boy. . . forever."


	8. Respect

**CHAPTER 8**

Dave left (almost ran out) of the room.

He was angry and sad in one. He felt guilty, because Spencer was for him already _buried. _Rossi wanted to believe, but it was impossible for his mind to think about something like this.

He walked into his office, sat on the chair. . . with deep breath grabbed head to his arms and tears like a raindrops were falling from his eyes.

_'I'm sorry, Reid. Sorry, I betrayed you. I'm so so sorry . . ." _he was whispering all the time.

Few minuter later, someone began to knock . Once, twice . . .

"Come in." he said quietly

"Hello." the soft woman voice came from the other side of the door.

"Jennifer, I don't . . . "

"Stop Rossi . . . " she disturbed him. "Look I know you are hurt. Cause Spencer is. But this way won't help it. You can't just ignore the fact he could be alive. Somewhere there he's maybe breathing . . . This possibility is very small, but important is we still have a hope."

"If he's not, we'll NEVER deal with it. And you know that Jj."

"I know. But can you live with that feel ? Feel that maybe, we could save him if we did believe ? He would kill himself for our safety before . . ." she stopped at the second, to catch a breath.

". . . but if you're able to forgot him, we can't do anything, don't we ?" she asked little sarcastically

Then she said with tears in the eyes.

"I can't believe, I was your friend David."

And with big _'door crash'_ she left the room.

"Jj wait . . ." he shouted sadly, but she was gone.

He fell back to his mind.

'I'm biggest idiot on the Earth.' he thought for himself

Same Time, Round Table room

Jj almost kicked door down.

"I'm done with him ! I don't want to see him anymore ! . . ."

"He just needs time Jennifer." said Derek and grabbed her shoulder.

The others nodded with gently smiles.

Meanwhile Penelope was searching something on her notebook.

"Okay guys, I have interesting news."

They turned to her and came closer.

"I checked the reports . Strauss said exact time, and cause of it I found the place."

She pointed to the big screen.

"This is the image of the thermal activity before attack."

The screen was full of light colors. Blue, green . . .

"And this is, when the shooting began."

Small red and orange spots appeared on the monitor.

". . . And few minutes later, the first bomb fell. . . ."

Suddenly the dark colors poured the image on the place where men were.

They could feel the pain, which was coming from the screen. And their hope disappeared . . .

"Oh my God. . . " whispered Alex, and covered her mouth with hand.

"That's not all . . ." said Penelope still looking at the desktop.

"The soldiers must report newest info about the situation. And this is their last record."

She pushed few buttons and stood up, near to them.

They were looking to the monitor, waiting . . .

First voice was strong and quietly.

"_Team Alpha's coming to the main enemy's headquarter. We didn't get any contact with them yet. Team is complete and ready to action."_

There was a silence at the minute. Suddenly the first shots came. And they could hear the familiar young voice.

"We are under attack from north building . . . " his voice was loud and calm.

_It was too impossible to hear his voice again._

His sentence stopped by the next shot. It was closer than the others. And from the other side, they could hear the hard steps.

_Penelope with the others froze. They felt that the last shot came to them and hurts them the most._

"Downson, you with the second group – to the left. Me with the others to the roof. Come on !" He was authoritative and surprisingly absolutely calm.

_And the shooting started from both sides. _

* * *

_It wasn't too loud already, but they could hear the voices of another soldiers_

"2 soldiers down ! I'm repeating, 2 soldiers DOWN !"

"We need the help !"

_The shooting was coming closer and closer, and they still couldn't say anything._

_And suddenly everything stopped. The bullets, the voices . . . _

Colonel with his part of the team drop their guns, and checked the pulse of the lying bodies around there.

Downson, scants of breath, looked at his members. "Any move ?"

"No, sir." sighed sniper, coming to him.

"Check the house again. I'm going to find second team."

He turned, and with raised gun went to the another building.

It was empty. Only few dead bodies on the stone, bloody floor.

He activated his ear-communicator.

"Here it's clear. 14 enemies down. 2 soldiers got shot, but not badly. How about you Reid ?"

He didn't get any answer.

"Reid ? Are you there ?" he asked little confused

Not a sound on the other line.

"I'm repeating. Team Alpha 01 , this is Alpha 02.

Colonel Downson is giving the report. Is anyone there ?"

Still silence. But few seconds later, the single gunshot shoke the country.

"Colonel, where's the gunshot coming from ?" asked soldier by communicator

"Everybody, come here !"

9 armed soldiers ran to the place where the Colonel was.

"Where it was from ?"

Before he answered, 10 another members of the team came to them.

Spencer with ruffle in hand walked near the Colonel.

"It was me. Last guy was too close. 19 enemies are down. How about you ?"

"14. South wing is clear. North too."

Another captains joined the conversation.

"It means 33 enemies are death. But General talked about 34."

"So where is the last guy?"

"I saw one old, small house probably 30 meters from here."

"That is the last option. We have to check it." said Reid, and with 18 members behind him walked toward the building.

"I hear the man voice. It's Arabic."

The silent voice, from the other side of the door began to talk, probably to the transmitter.

"الكل لقوا حتفهم. هذه هي فرصتنا الاخيرة. افعل ذلك."

Downson and Reid looked at each other.

"He said, _Everyone is dead. This is our last chance. Do it."_

"_COME IN!" Colonel shouted and somebody else kicked the door down. _

"_DROP IT !" _

Then, there was the gunshot from the soldiers and the guy fell on the floor, dead.

"He gave somebody the command. We're not safe here."

"Wait, what it is ?" said captain

The high, whistling sound was coming from the sky.

Snipers raised their head with confused faces.

"That doesn't seems good."

"COME ON ! We have to go !" shouted Spencer strongly

"Go, go, go . . . !"

Captain didn't continue the sentence, when the sound of falling bomb covered the country

. Few soldiers began to scream of pain, for help. But while they wanted to got themselves from the fire hell,

the second bomb fell.

. . . And the line went dead.

* * *

Penelope turned the record off, and tears ran down her cheek. "This is not fair ! It's NOT!" she shouted and fell to Jj's hug.

Suddenly Strauss came to the room. "I didn't want you to hear it. I'm sorry."

"SORRY ? Are you really sorry !? Cause you have to be. It is your fault ! You let him risk his life !"

Garcia stopped at the moment. Strauss was looking to the floor, and single tear was running down her cheek. She was guilty, and she know it.

". . . Our boy is death ! He died somewhere there ! In FLAMES ! In PAIN ! Cause of you and that stupid goverment !"

Penelope was bowling and almost messed up to the floor. Her heart broke. Heart of everybody. Cause they heard their friend suffers, and they couldn's help . . .

* * *

**the Iraq Army Station**

Everybody was busy. They couldn't grieve cause of every loss, so they had to continue in the daily routine.

Suddenly the sounds and voices paused. Every head turned to same direction.

19 men walked into the army area. Tired, bloody, hurt . . .Spencer was strongly walking in front of them. With ruffle in hand and raised head.

Without any command one soldier began to applaud. Another too. And the other 68 members of whole military force joined them.

That was their way to show the respect.

_Respect to brave soldiers,_

_ that fought, _

_survived _

_and **came back alive.**_


	9. Promise

**CHAPTER 9**

**Quantico, BAU**

They were sitting near his table. Looking at it. Remembering, and simultaneously trying to forgot.

Strauss gave them 3 weeks vacation after all. But nobody moved. They were just thinking.

Not a word. Not a sound.

It was almost 11 pm., but they didn't want to go. They didn't want to leave his place, his memorial . . .

It's hard to explain what they felt inside.

Only one word can says it exactly . . .

_Empty._

Someone ripped the part of their hearts, and then let them suffer. Let them alone inside.

That impossible pain tortured them.

Last pieces of hope left, with the falling bomb.

They already didn't believe he'll come back.

But still somewhere very, very deep inside they were waiting.

Waiting, that he' ll open that damn glass door some day and smiles.

* * *

Jj's phone rang. It was Will. But she just ignored it.

Morgan didn't hold it on and stood up. "Jennifer can you just turn that fuckin phone off !" he yelled at her, and everyone turned to them.

Surprisingly she didn't yell, didn't scream or argue.

She just stood up calmly, walked to the opened window and threw the phone out from the building.

Then with deadly-looked eyes she came back to her chair without any word.

The others were watching her for a minute, cause she looks like she has a apoplexy or something like that.

Morgan was walking from one side of the room to another, quietly.

**2 hours later, still silence**

Penelope suddenly stood up, and began to walk to her office. When she came back, in her hands was a laptop.

She put it on the table, opened it.

She pushed few buttons and sat back to her seat.

Their eyes went to the notebook.

And the lovely voice came out.

'Hi guys, this is Spencer . . . "

They froze when they heard his voice.

". . . today I got the commands, which I must realize. And I'm sorry . . . "

He stopped and caught a breath. It was evident this was the most hard thing to say for him.

". . . but if you listen this message I died somewhere one the mission . . ."

His voice sounded so real, so alive. Like a missed voice-message.

"Last thing I wanted, is to lie to you everyday. But I had to promise I'll be quiet, cause of security. I don't know how long I'll be here, but one day I'll come back to you. Alive or dead, but I will . . ."

Single tear ran down from Jj's eye. And head fell do her hands.

". . . I don't want you to grieve, so Jj please dry out your eyes and let me tell you what I have to, cause this is not easy for me . . ."

They all smiled, and she took a handkerchief from her pocket.

"I know how to survive and defend, but sometimes It isn't enough . . ."

He gave them a little smile. They couldn't see, but they heard it. It was the proof, he didn't change.

". . . I'm glad you, that you let me be a part of your family. And . . ."

His voice broke in the middle of sentence, he sighed deeply.

". . . I'm really sorry I disappointed you, guys . . . "

Suddenly Penelope opened her eyes.

"No! NO !"

She stood up, turn the record off.

"NO ! Spencer didn't betray us. He protected us, fulfill commands. . ."

"It means he died with blame." Alex sighed silently.

Aaron snapped at them.

"Look, it's too late to change something about it."

"Guys, Reid wanted us to listen the record to the end. To his memory, please, play it on."

Said Morgan sadly, kept his feels inside. Garcia understood and pushed the button to play.

" Don't say anything to my mum. She would remember it few hours and then forgot. I don't want her to suffer. Please, just be quiet about it . . ."

They looked at each other and nodded, as a agreement.

This time Spencer started with quiet, gently voice.

"I love my team, I love my family, and I love Maeve . . . So my last wish is – Give a rose on her grave for me. That is the most important thing in the World to me . . . "

The team sighed, and remembered how much Maeve changed his life, how much marked him, her death.

"All the time, when I was with you, I was thinking how to say goodbye. It is probably the hardest thing, which I ever have to do . . ."

They looked at each other with crying.

"You made my life better, and I hope some day you will forgive me, for my mistakes. Thank you for everything. Thanks for the chance . . . "

He sighed deeply and with the most painful voice said.

". . . goodbye."

* * *

Penelope closed the laptop and smiled weakly.

"Goodbye. . ." she said quietly and fell to Morgan's hug.

"No! This is not fair ! He couldn't die ! Not like this . . ." Rossi began to yell

Suddenly, the familiar voice came from the door.

"You're right . . ."

They turned to the sound. There he was. Injured, with crutches and with many

scares ,which bandage didn't cover very good.

He smiled gently.

_". . . I said I'll__** come back**__, didn't I ?"_


	10. NOT Today

**CHAPTER 10**

**In the previous chapter . . .**

"No! This is not fair ! He couldn't die ! Not like this . . ." Rossi began to yell

Suddenly, the familiar voice came from the door.

"You're right . . ."

They turned to the sound. There he was. Injured, with crutches and with many

scares ,which bandage didn't cover very good.

He smiled gently.

". . . I said I'll come back, didn't I ?"

* * *

**Presence**

He looked so real, so alive. But something inside of them was still yelling 'It's impossible'.

Spencer smiled again, but didn't move.

He was waiting for their reaction. Ready to hug them. Ready to walk away if they'll want.

They just stand there, without any word.

Looking at him, watching his face. Trying to understand. But it didn't work.

Reid was still wearing army clothes. Camouflage trousers, big brown belt with 2 guns, knife,transmitter and faded green t-shirt.

He had a bandage on his right arm and leg. 2 large scars. First, on his neck. Second, on his cheek, which was near the eye. Many deep scoring and bruises on the rest of his body.

He was shaking a little, cause of pain. But he didn't sit.

Only few hours ago he came from Iraq. And ago 26 minutes his third surgery was done. In his veins was still running narcosis, so if he didn't have his crutches he would certainly fall from fatigue.

He should be in a hospital few weeks, but he wanted to be here.

Spencer tried to breath, but he was too tired. His knees buckled, but suddenly somebody ran to him and catch him to hug.

It was Aaron. He helped him to stand back, and settled him to nearest chair.

When Reid looked around he saw the familiar faces.

They were watching him with incredible fear.

Their friend survived, but he suffered right in front of them.

"Spence . . ." Jj whispered with eyes full of tears. She knelled next to him and grabbed his hurt hand.

Penelope came closer, and gave him cup of water, without any word.

"Thank you." he said quietly and took a glass

They all sat next to him, grabbing his shoulder or arm.

He looked at them with painful eyes.

"I didn't know they told you I'm dead. When I find out I went here. It was difficult."

"Yeah, we heard last mission record." sighed Alex

"How . . ." Morgan began ". . . how you got out of there ?" His voice was so hurt, so sad that it was killing him.

"First bomb was too far from the team, so we got a time to escape, but . . ." he stopped and cleared his throat.

". . . we didn't know about the second attack, which was very near."

He looked down and sighed from pain.

"I protected team Alpha 01, 9 members. Colonel with the rest went on the other side of the hill, when the bomb fell. We hid in the old village, but I, as a leader, was the last. Members had few broken ribs, and bones but nothing serious. Alpha 02 didn't have so much luck. Concussions, contusions , massive bleeding. One ends up on the wheel-chair, but survived."

"You ?" asked Derek, still with broken voice.

"I'm . . . I'm fine, that's not relevant . . ."

"Spencer, please" said Penelope and searched his bandages

"Look, I was the leader, it's normal I ends up, as I did."

"The details, please ?" said Alex with 'mother-cares' voice.

He sighed, cause he knew it will hurt them. But he didn't have a choice.

"16 broken ribs, concussion, internal bleeding, damaged heart, shrapnel in the lungs, broken radius and cause of my old injury my thigh-bone was destroyed."

They looked at each other. How much pain it has to be.

"Spence, I'm sor. . ." Jj started, but Penelope stopped her.

"Wait, wait . . . It means you don't have to come back ?"

Spencer looked down, sighed,licked his lips nervously.

Rossi looked at him and raised his eyebrows.

"Reid ?"

"No, I don't have to."

He still looked too sad.

"Sorry, I didn't get something ?" asked Alex with confused tone in voice.

"Reid, what you're not telling us?" Hotch joined her

Spencer just looked at them with the most saddest eyes, touched his leg.

Then he rolled a piece of pants up.

On the place where has to be a leg, was now only big iron rod.

Prosthesis a replacement.

Morgan looked at him with confused face, trying to understood.

"Is . . . Is it what I think it is ?"

He nodded, without any sound.

"It hurts, isn't it ?"

He nodded again.

"Can we do something. To help ?" Jj disturbed him.

"Don't talk about pain would be nice."

They smiled gently.

Penelope grabbed his hand.

"Do you want to go home ? To sleep ?"

"Yeah, thanks. I didn't

sleep in normal bad probably 14 months."

The others turned and went for their jackets.

"Come on." said Morgan, walked to him and helped him to stand up.

But when he did first step, his knee buckled.

"Whou! Slowly, Pretty Boy."

Reid didn't respond.

He just stood there, without any sound or move.

"Reid, are you okay ?"

He came closer to him and touched his shoulder.

"Reid ?" he whispered.

"I . . . I am fine." he said with broken voice.

"Kid, I'm not idiot. I can see, when something's wrong."

"That pain is too much . . . too long."

He leaned against the table, and closed his eyes.

From that unbelievable pain he clench his fists.

Morgan shored him and grabbed his shoulder.

"Reid, I know you don't want it, but I have to drive you back to hospital . . ."

"No, no . . . I'm fine, I just . . . " he didn't continued it, when his knees buckled and he fell to unconsciousness.

"Kid ! Stay with me !" he yelled, but it was too late.

On Reid's t-shirt was large, and eventually increasing bloody spot.

Suddenly the others came to the room.

"What happened ?!" screamed Garcia, when she saw her boys on the floor.

"His sticks burst. Call 911 !"

Alex jumped to the phone, while the others ran to them.

"Please, open your eyes. Please. . . ." whispered Penelope, while she was squeezing his hand.

* * *

**In the hospital**

_**23:34 –**__ Resuscitation (38 min. long)_

_**00:03 **__– Surgery begins, without any problems_

_**01:28 –**__ Heart stops, when damaged artery ruptures _

_**01:48 –**__ Still, without any sighs of life_

_**02:01 –**__ Patient responds. Extreme damage of heart endangers the operation._

_**02:16 –**__ Irregular pulse_

_**02:40 –**__ Surgery was finished (No-complete)_

* * *

**. . . 2 hours later**

"Can we see him ?" asked Jj a nurse, coming from his room

"He woke up minute ago, so be slowly with him." she smiled and the others nodded.

They opened the white door. It was a big clear room with one bed. Many beeping machines around, large glass window, LCD television on the wall, couch and 4 chairs next to the wooden table.

More than average patient conditions. But Spencer was now a War Veteran. Weird, when we realize, usual veterans are twice as old as he.

Reid was lying there, covered by white blankets in the same white clothes.

His eyes were open, looking out of the window. Without any move. Without any sound.

'What has changed ?' they thought

'Few hours ago he was ready to come back to life, and now he looks so empty.'

"Spence ?" Jj whispered to him carefully.

They walked closer to bed, but he still didn't move.

He has to hear them, so why ?

Alex took the courage and grabbed his hand. In that second when she touched him, he sharply turned and pulled away from her.

"Whou, calm. It's me, look. It's me Alex."

She directly looked to his eyes.

"All right ?" she asked, still didn't know if he recognized her.

He looked at her. Then on the others. They had the same lovely eyes.

"Yeah . . . yeah, sorry." he said too quietly. Too confused.

Penelope sat next to him on the chair and caressed his newest bandage.

"Everything's good ?"

"I'm fine." he said. But he didn't look at her.

They looked at each other. Everyone knows what it means, when Reid says that.

"We were waiting all the time. Doctor told us about risks . . ."

Morgan began, but when he saw Spencer's absence eyes he decided to stop.

". . . I think you need some rest. We'll come later."

"I this so." Jj sighed, kissed his forehead.

Aaron nodded to the others and everyone left the room.

. . . And Spence was just lying there. Without any word.

He has to think about what happened there, _**with her.**_

. . . when he was dead.

**Back in time / 01:28 Operating Room**

_3 surgeons, 7 sisters in the room._

_Nurses were fulfilling Doctor's commands,_

_and suddenly . . ._

_"Exhausting! Internal bleeding! . . ."_

_Beep – beep_

_Beeeeep – Beeeep_

_Beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep_

_From the darkness came the light. _

_Spencer find himself in the elevator._

_Cink_

_The doors opened, and in front of him appeared coroner to the FBI office._

_He walked through the glass doors._

_It looked normal. Many desks, chairs, computers . . . So real, so believable._

_But without any human soul. Empty, silence._

_"Spence ?" the familiar voice said gently_

_He didn't have to think. He knew who was there with him._

_He turned and . . . there she was._

_Soft brown hair lay on her shoulders._

_Lovely blue eyes followed his every move._

_Green dress covered her beautiful skin._

_"Hello." she whispered and smiled gently_

_Spencer was so confused._

_It wasn't dream. He would know that. But he couldn't remember what happened before._

_He was just watching her. It wasn't real life. But she was there. And that was only one important thing._

_She looked confused too, but quietly._

_They started to walk to each other. _

_Slowly_

_Carefully_

_He stretched out his hand and she did it too._

_They touched._

_That moment . . . They were waiting for it very long time._

_She was looking to his eyes, and tear ran down her face._

_'It has to be real." he thought for himself_

_He raised his arm to her and touched her cheek, her hair . . ._

_She closed eyes and smiled a little._

_"Maeve. . ." he said painfully and pulled her closer._

_She hugged him back with all love._

_"I love you, I love you, I love you . . ." he was whispering to her ear again, and again._

_"I know, I love you too."_

_Suddenly she made a step back, but still grabbing his hand._

_"Promise me something."_

_Spencer nodded._

_"Promise me you won't forgot my voice.' she said and thousands tears fell from her eyes._

_"No, no. I promise. I'll never . . ."_

_He didn't finish. She disappeared and big, bloody spot revealed on the place where she stood._

_Suddenly the darkness appear around him, he heard another voice._

_"Charge! We're losing him!. . ."_

_"One . . .Two . .. Three!"_

_"One . . .Two . .. Three!"_

_"One . . .Two . . ." he stopped._

_And the world went black._

* * *

**3 weeks later**

_**10:02 –**__ Last medical examination_

_**10:23**__ – Leaving from the hospital_

_**11:18**__ – Friends drove him home _

He waited few minutes. Then he re wore and left the apartment.

**23 minutes later**

Spencer stands on the grass. Sun is shining and the clouds disappears.

Beautiful day.

He lays the rose on the grieve.

**Maeve Donovan**

He kneels and smiled a little.

"It was long since, I heard your voice last time. But I remember every tone . . . I love you. Every part of you. Your eyes, your laugh, your cheeks . . ." he sighed.

"I promise you one day I'll meet you again. We'll repeat our first date and I'll give you a rose to your hand. We'll drink coffee every Sunday morning, read newspapers and have an unbelievable unhealthy English breakfast, as you always wanted . . .

. . . One day I'll come to you, wherever you are, and never ever let you go. But not now . . .

**Not Today**."


End file.
